July & August 1996 Folio Copy

July & August 1996, Folio copy

Sunday, July 14, 1996, Back of the Book Your host discusses having stormed the Bastille this afternoon, all right, so he was a little late, that's the story of his life. What was formerly the video portion of our program, the serial "The Deadly Cult of the Tocks Tap!" is still trying to destroy the entire electromagnetic spectrum. The dreaded Lotusland Mediocrity device has been re-tooled to peel allium cepa from the inside out. So now the Tocks Tap is making a priority of the bursting of onions with the intention of getting everyone in the world to cry. Our hero, Little Squishy, long an opponent of onion bursting, journeys through the vale of tears to locate the legendary Daylight, which many believe can stop the cult. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin. (http://www.interport.net/~rpmartin)

Sunday, July 28, 1996, Back of the Book Even in the midst of the Summer of '96, the 1994 Spring Offensive continues. Your host is hoping that Princess Charming will find him at long last, and then have the guts to smooch the amphibian. Ennui the Hedgehog interviews Little Squishy about how he metamorphosed from being a fictional character in a serial to being real. Admitting that real life isn't all it's cracked up to be in the serial universe, Little Squishy hints that he may have accessed the minutes of a recent secret meeting of The Deadly Cult of the Tocks Tap, unfortunately all of the information seems to be encoded in lies. If time allows the winning numbers in next Wednesday's LOTTO drawing will be announced on this program. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin. (rpmartin@interport.net)

Sunday, August 11, 1996, Back of the Book Your host reveals his latest plan to achieve financial adequacy: he has invested in futures in a sweat factory. If the sweat supply goes down during August, prompting people to buy bottled sweat at a high price, he stands to make nearly half of Donald Trump's daily lunch money. The Deadly Cult of the Tocks Tap is still doing nasty things, but they're too dirty to even tell you about! In preparation for the upcoming Feast of the Assumption, Pope Weaselpenis XVI prepares his basilica for the sacred ritual of The Mud Wrestling Blessed Virgins. Besides having to mix up the mud himself, using his own brand of patented holy water, the peculiar Pontiff complains that ticket scalpers are skimming most of the profits. Asked why he continues to perform such sub-Papal duties he mumbles something about getting to check the virgins for authenticity. (http://www.interport.net/~rpmartin)

Sunday, August 25, 1996, Back of the Book The Middle Third ends in a few days, and just before that your host will hit 49, a mere year from the biggest age with an "OH!" that he's ever heard of. In political news, Rob Doleful (formerly something, now just an idiot) tells how if he and the RepubliNazi Party are voted into power they plan to make deals with space aliens to enrich poorer Americans by injecting anyone making less than six figures with high-priced radioactive waste. When reached for comment, Bill Clinton said he hadn't heard anything about it because he was keeping his ears stuffed with french fires for the Summer. In an intellectual slumming segment, Itchy T. Echidna interviews a group of Creationists who had missed a previous program because they were waiting for dog spelled backwards to carry them about town in chariots of fire; they say that this time Elvis gave them tokens. (rpmartin@interport.net)

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