The 1994, Spring Offensive

As listeners to my program Back of the Book already know, I am currently in the midst of my “1994 Spring Offensive.”

The goal of this offensive campaign is to find myself a significant other, most probably of the female gender. Given my utter lack of social skills the big offensive is not going all that swimmingly.

This campaign started after the terrible Winter of 1993/1994. I was just locked in the house by the weather from around November on. I realized that I was rotting away and that my desires for physical and emotional , um, stuff, were not going to get satisfied if I just stayed in the apartment. So I decided that I would avail myself of the better weather as soon as it arrived, in the Spring of 1994, and go forth and find someone.

The success of this venture can be gauged by the fact that it's still ongoing, unfulfilled, at this date. I have a number of female friends, but “Princess Charming” has not yet shown up.

Part of the problem is that I am still not getting out enough. Another part of the problem is that I am not what one could call conventionally attractive. Hell, I'm not even conventionally sane, why should I be conventionally attractive?

I continue to look, however, and am especially hopeful that “Princess Charming” will wander into something like the group Gay & Lesbian Identified Bisexuals, which I attend. This group meets on the third Saturday of every month at 208 W. 13 St. in Manhattan, the Gay & Lesbian Community Center.

There is also the more general group Bi-Request, which meets every Thursday at 6:00 PM at 131 W. 72 St. in Manhattan. You can call them at 212-714-7714. I've been not getting to those meetings for a while now, but I've got to get to them again. It's just possible that “Princess Charming” will show up there!

I've been looking around on the Bisexual Contacts Web site. It appears that everyone there is multiple decades younger than I. You might want to check it out, if you're interested.

Recent studies have shown that women have two primary physical assets which they deem absolutely necessary in men: height and hair. Since I am five foot two (5' 2") and have a growing bald spot that's covering much of the back of my head now, I greeted this news with a decided lack of enthusiasm. Perhaps this goes some ways to explaining the success of the 1994 Spring Offensive.

So if you're “Princess Charming,” or think you know her, then you should write me some E-mail and let me know all about yourself, or herself, or whatever the hell you want.

I plan to update this page from time to time, so if you're really interested in my pathetic plight, you may stay tuned.

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