March & April 1996, Folio copy

Sunday, March 10, 1996, Tonight we bid good riddance to Winter. You host should be about to come out of his Winter Depression by now and will be merrily preparing for his Spring Depression, which involves the wearing of less underwear and lighter angst. No one's more surprised that we're still here than Little Squishy, who, in last Autumn's serial "The Deadly Cult of the Tocks Tap!" fought mightily to defend the entire electromagnetic spectrum from the cult. But now we find that the Cult has taken over the Congress and the President of the United States! All Cyberspace is threatened as what was the video portion of our program invades real life and starts stealing World Wide Web sites. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.

Sunday, March 24, 1996, Your host has spent the last fortnight rehearsing his speech for the Oscar he expected to receive for Best Ne'er Do Well in Something You've Never Seen tonight. Then he realized that he wasn't nominated because the Academy discriminates against radio! He will also revivify his 1994, Spring Offensive to find himself a Significant Other, most probably of the female persuasion (fat chance). Ennui The Hedgehog interviews the masked leader of a vigilante group calling itself The Grammar Samurai, which will slice up danglers of participles and those not adequately respectful of case. Authorities fear they will link up with the well known Punctuation Police, who have been known to use machine guns over the misuse of semicolons, to form a terrorist cell similar to the Académie Française! Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.

Sunday, April 7, 1996, It's the cruellest month, and your host will be shearing off his long beard and pony tail some time this month. Listen in to hear the observations of a man who has spent the last five years in a hirsute cage of his own growth. Speaking of which, he will discuss his latest financial coup: permitting the Hair Club for Dorks to harvest the porcine bristles from one of his ears as seedlings. The profits of this venture will go towards buying shares in the ear wax mine which has begun operations on the other side of his head. Little Squishy discovers that the Lotusland Mediocrity device, which is the main weapon of "The Deadly Cult of the Tocks Tap!" has taken over the weak mind of some imbecile named Senator James Exon (D-Nebraska), and plans on exploiting its own copy of The Carlin Decision to implode Cyberspace. Free Form Live Radio by R. PaulMartin.

Sunday, April 21, 1996, The sub-season described as "mid-Spring" has begun and your host's 1994, SpringOffensive is two years old. Only now does he discover that all along he has been part of a secret, government virginity regeneration project (in his case it was highly successful). Pope Weaselpenis XVI pontifidefecates at the opening of a new font of heavenly grace on the lower yeast side of Manhattan. Dedicated as The Sacred Basilica of St. Mary With One Hell of an Itch, it will feature Pope Weaselpenis XVI's own brand of yogurt made from his secret recipe, along with mushrooms and beer all made in the church's basement. The commemorative holy picture issued for this event is guaranteed to cause ringworm, but only if you truly believe. Free Form Live Radio by R. Paul Martin.

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