November & December 1997, Folio copy

Sunday, November 2, 1997, Back of the Book We're back on Eastern Standard Time and your host is probably fighting the depression that has been showing up early in November for the past decade or so. Of course this year Pickles of the North may be a lot of help in this seasonal psychic combat. You can count on him blabbing about this for a while. Your host will also recount the fun of his army physical 30 years ago, in the days when they wanted to make sure that the You Ess Ay shipped out only the healthiest cannon fodder for El Bee Jay. Speaking of November, there are supposed to be some changed sweepings around here this month. Was that a larval human embedded in the bath water matrix that just went by? The video portion of our program will introduce our Fall Serial: "Mike Robe, Protozoan P.I."

Sunday, November 16, 1997, Back of the Book It has been a full fiftieth of a century since one of the video offerings of our program, a serial called "The Deadly Cult of the Tocks Tap" escaped the bounds of fantasy and began its arrogant swagger toward world domination through the medium of destroying the electromagnetic spectrum. Now, even as specific minions are being fitted out for their straight jackets, the Cult has a hiccup in its agenda as some non-lobotomized folks take up the entry-level position of "Leader" of the Bored. The Cult has, however, already created an abyss into which many who worked on the electromagnetic spectrum have been cast, and which threatens to draw others into it. Many resist, but some drift complacently, considering themselves to be permanently above the maw.

Sunday, November 30, 1997, Back of the Book In a "Faith for Suckers" segment Pope Weaselpenis XVI expects to make an ecclesiastical killing this season from marketing his new Chia Virgin. His marketing consultants found that some focus groups wanted only certain parts of the Blessed Virgin Mary (BVM) to grow moss, while others were of the opinion that no seeds should germinate in her body at all, in keeping with tradition. In the end, the perverted pontiff decided to offer his "BVM Deluxe Chia Jungle," which will combine a full body virgin accompanied by a plastic night light of her equally virginal boy to help the green stuff grow. The Faithful are free to graze their favorite parts of the Virgin. Meanwhile, in a religio-urological segment anyone who claims to have seen the Blessed Virgin Mary's face in your host's kidney stone is being branded a heretic.

Sunday, December 14, 1997, Back of the Book Your host's girlfriend, Pickles of the North, has again journeyed to the Land of the Northern Lights to battle the great oppressor Santa Claus and his deadly elves and cyborg reindeer. We can only hope that she defeats him completely and drags his bloated carcass through the local Toys'R'Us before the season is over. In other food handling doings, Hector and Anvil accompany a Health Inspector named Bilious T. Slugbladder on his rounds, and discover a conflict of interest when he gets into a fistfight with French Chef Merde Zut of the WBAI Canteen over the station's traditional holiday treat: rat droppings au broken teeth [in a sauce of strict Socialism]. As a premium in our next fund raiser we'll offer the chef's "Donner Party Recipe Book" in time for the first snow.

Sunday, December 28, 1997, Back of the Book Pickles of the North, who is very glad that your host's annual shower will occur in three more days, is still battling the reindeer and mutant elves in her quest to liberate the North Pole from the oppressive Claus Cartel. In the Temperate Zone, investigative reporter Nether Follicles is out dredging for scandal in her coverage of the annual Yellow Snow Festival held at the entrances to Manhattan subway stations. Getting into the spirit of the event she yellows up some of those fallen flakes right on camera. BREAKING NEWS: The Deadly Cult of the Tocks Tap has branched out to eradicate ink-on-newsprint publications of a bimonthly nature. At this very moment myrmidons of the Cult are approaching and it looks like they're going to reach for our power switch and ....

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